you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
