Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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