Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
