My hair reeks of homosexuality.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
