This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
