Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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