He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
