oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
