Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
