Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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