he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
