shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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