Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
