I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
