It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
