Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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