I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
