Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
