Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
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