Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
