no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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