Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We were destined to go to rehab together
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
