me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
