Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
