Where did you get a picture of my penis
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
