So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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