Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
