Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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