I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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