now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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