Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
