if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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