Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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