I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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