i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
