Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
