I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
