yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
