i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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