Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
