I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
