If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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