respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
