Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
