I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
