I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
