You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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