There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
