checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize