DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
