I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
