Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
