if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
