i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
