FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
