Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
