I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
