The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I bet he comes in French.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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