my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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