he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
