Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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