i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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