Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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