first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
