I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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