No stitches, just platelets and will power
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
God, you're like boner-b-gone
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
