So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
