know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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