You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
