Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
