he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
