Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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