When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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