I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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