The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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