do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
