Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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