my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
