Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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