My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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