U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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