Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
