my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
