theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So much Jack, so little girl.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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