And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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