i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
