he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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