i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
