he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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